Its been a Weak...

...week. A weak week for sure. I lost 2 lbs, putting me at 161 (I weighed on Monday). Its a little disappointing, as I was hoping to lose more, but "slow and steady wins the race" right?? My doctor and mother and everyone I've talked to says that losing 2 lbs a week is healthy and about how much you should expect. So...my goal for next Monday? 258 lbs (3lbs).

I already feel so much better and more energized since I've cut out all the unhealthy foods and fast food. We've had nothing but fresh foods since last Monday, June 13th and the difference really is noticable. And I feel much better since I've started exercising as well. I'm excited about these changes and looking forward to more!

J has been sober/clean for 12 days now. That is VERY exciting as well.

Small steps.

Right now it seems like we are taking the smallest of steps, but these are small steps that turn into big changes and before you know it- J and I will be better, healthier, and still beautiful people with more energy and drive!!

Day 3. General Updates:

J - Haven't heard from him since Sunday, but some of my family members are keeping in close contact with him. As it turns out, finding a rehab program is a bit more complicated when its not "court appointed". Also, the problems that I've heard with programs in this area is that they are too short. You can't expect an addict to become rehabilitated in 3 mos. Its just not gonna happen. Also, in many of these programs, the addict is put in a "halfway house" where they live with many other recovering addicts and there are problems with some "not so recovering" addicts bringing in drugs. Yeah yeah yeah, we've heard it all: "That's not possible! The person who runs the house is very strict" Blah blah blah... Its crap. So its tough finding a worthwhile program, but J and his peeps are working on that this week.

Me- Got rid of junk in the house on Monday. I got up and when I went into the kitchen for breakfast, I was thinking "CRAP! Do we have ANYTHING that I can feel good about eating in here?" So off the the store and local produce stand I went! Got some beautiful cantaloupe and fresh veggies and meats. Made sure we were stocked up on bottled water (I won't drink city water- dirty, yucky, BLAH- that's how I see it in my head anyway). So wholesome foods = CHECK. Now onto the exercise. Took the girls out walking Mon and Tues, but its slow going when your three year old wants to walk too. But that's okay- she walked the whole mile by herself and it was worth the slow going to see her enjoying herself and being active. So in the evenings, after my husband gets off work, we've been going walking downtown and the kids stay in our fabulous double jogging stroller. For those of you who have a child/children, I HIGHLY recommend a jogging stroller. Its smoother to push and the bicycle wheels really make a huge difference. I could go on and on about our stroller, but that's not what this blog is about.
So anyway...It rained tonight. I think just stating that it rained is an understatement. The heavens opened up and it POURED!! So walking wasn't an option. So rather than walking, I invited my dearest friend "K" over and we tried our hands...err...bodies at Pilates. Phew. Its a great workout. I realize that I am WAYYY out of shape, but I'm already sore. Which is a good thing! I'm excited because I realize that I used a lot of muscles that I didn't even realize I had!

So that's all for my update. Not too exciting. Wind sprints tomorrow evening with my brother. That should be....invigorating? Painful? Both? I'll let you know. My uncle suggested doing these. Well, not so much suggested as told me I needed to. Haha. But I should take my lessons from him for sure- he's 51 and in absolutely wonderful shape from what I hear! He's from California, where I've heard its hard to find someone obese. Not sure how true that is....but if its true, I should move there. I'd be a tourist attraction! "Hey look, Mom!! I finally found a fat one! Lets get our picture taken with her!" hehehe... I can make fun of myself, right? I won't be fat forever, so might as well do it while I can, eh?

Weekly weigh in on Monday, June 20th. I know it was pointless, but I weighed myself again today. Which I shouldn't do...because for all I know, any gain or loss could just be water weight at this point... (I use '...' a lot I've noticed)

Have a great rest of the week everyone! Keep sending positive energy and prayers my (and J's) way!

No Quest For Beauty.

Yesterday I made a promise. Not one that I am taking lightly.

Someone very near and dear to my heart, we will call this person "J", has a problem with drugs. Pills, mostly, but over the past 10 1/2 years, he hasn't been too picky. Whatever J can find, he will take. This is a great example of how your decisions do NOT just effect YOU. The choices you make effect everyone who is close to you.

Two weekends ago, J stole some medication from a family member. This is the first time he has stolen from his family, to our knowledge. When he was confronted with this, J did not lie. He was probably too messed up to think of a lie. After just a week, he has no pills leftover. He ate them all. In a week. He missed my child's birthday party because he was too high to attend. Its a miracle that he did not OD.

Yesterday, J and I spent some time together and I had to tell him something that was very hard for both of us. He can't see my children anymore until he gets some help.
As I was on my way over to see him, I was thinking that J isn't the only one with a problem. I have a problem too! Just like J makes the decision to put substances in his body, I make the decision to put unhealthy food in my body over and over again. Which is why I'm so overweight, obviously. So how can I tell J that he is doing something wrong when I'm doing something just as bad (Although not illegal)?
When I picked J up, we talked. About his problem. About my problem. About him not being able to see my children anymore until he gets help and changes his lifestyle. I also made him a promise: If he changes his life, I promise to change mine. Not in the future. Right now. An immediate change is needed. And while he struggles daily to stay away from substances, I will struggle not to eat unhealthy foods or food in excess and change my daily living to include a more active and healthy lifestyle.

Yesterday evening, J agreed to get help and do a rehabilitation program. He has someone helping him today to find the right course of rehabilitation for him. So today I am starting my new lifestyle as well. This is the best way that I can think of to show my support. I'm doing it for J. I'm doing it for myself. I am doing it for my family.

Today, I weigh 263 lbs. This is very humiliating for me to write this down for the world to see, but I need to be accountable to someone (or a lot of someones). So rather than telling you just how much I am losing per week, I am going to be as real as I can and give you my exact weight. I promise to do it naturally. No supplements (other than a multi-vitamin) and no weight loss pills or anything unnatural. By this time next year, I hope to be a brand new me. My goal right now is 165lbs. (I am 5'7" by the way)

This is NOT a quest for beauty. Read the quote at the top of the page (quoted from my favorite blogger in the world, Single Dad Laughing). I am as beautiful today as I will be a year from now. Beauty isn't about outward looks. This is about supporting my very close family member with his addiction, and fixing myself and letting go of my addiction: Food.

Weekly updates will be posted, maybe more, depending on how busy my life is that week.

Supportive comments are welcome, but please keep judgmental thoughts to yourself. This blog is about two beautiful people who need healing and positivity.